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As I read through the tweets, some of them sad, others frustrating, some funny and others still blaming women, I realized that there is such a great divide between the sexes with some men insisting that they are misunderstood by women and women detesting the way they are treated. Women all over the world have an impossible task to prove themselves but all the same, women in developed countries are at more of an advantage than women in developing nations. Our examples are even more complicated considering our societies are male dominated and we have cultural practices that still hold us back. I know a woman with four daughters but the husband has refused to pay school fees for them because he believes he is wasting his time paying for girls. So many girls are having this problem, where men take care of boys first and ignore the girls. We have girls being married off at 12, being sexually assaulted by relatives and in these cases when you report to the police; they say you are asking for it with the way you were dressed, or the elders accuse you of wanting to bring down your family. As for married women, it even gets more complicated; this man paid bride price that was enjoyed by the clan, if he asks for it back, the family of the bride cannot pay it back, so they tell their daughter to endure, they have all been there, this is how men are, it will pass; you will bring ridicule to the family.
Men think that everything we do is a reflection on what we want from them. Our lives are not built for optical nutrition by men but they have consistently failed to understand it. They have an insulting oral fixation that they seem not to shake. As someone who does things rarely thinking about how my fellow male workmates will react, I find this so unbearable. I don’t wear this dress for you to look at me; it’s for my own confidence and not to impress you. The reaction you derive from that is solely yours and nothing to do with me. So what I do shouldn’t reflect what you think and your opinion of that shouldn’t be imposed on me.
I have realized that whenever a woman is smart, there are remarks on whether she is searching and she will get noticed; life isn’t all about finding a mate and at the moment am content being single having come from a home with an over bearing father and three brothers. I find peace of mind in my home, alone doing what I want and when I go out on my own, am not searching, I want to have fun. At the moment I want to be on my own, without the pressure of dealing with another human being. This being Africa, everyone thinks I have failed to find a man. They all look at me and gossip but I know what I want and that is the reason am not panicking to marry.

I wake up feeling exhausted, but I know I have to get up, I have to wake up, struggle to wake up my two sons and drive them to school. I call, yell and shake and after 15 minutes, they get up and then I have to drive them to school. After a full day of work, I have to pick up two very active boys who had struggled to sit still in class for eight hours. We argue and struggle in the car as they start to argue and shove, complaining to me who is driving, wanting me to take sides.

 

My mind then flashes to my mother who had five of us, and her mother before her who had ten kids. How did they do it? They had no luxury of hiring maids and had to handle all the chaos by themselves. I panic when my mother comments on how long am taking to add a third child. I would love to have four kids but as the years slip by, I know I will not make it. Deep down, I knew other women before us struggled but we never got to know their struggles; all we saw were hugs, kisses and food on our tables. I wish I had three hands or four legs but I know not all the extra limbs would give me the stamina to handle all these responsibilities.

 

To the women of yesterday, how did you do it? Raise ten children, remain sane, care for your husbands and their illegitimate children, handle the drama of polygamous relationships and still have enough power left within you? Technology is moving at a fast pace with iphones, ipads and galaxy phones that let you dictate a text message but not all the apps in the world can teach us how to be better mothers, better wives or even better human beings. We have rejected so many things and have turned to Google to give us all the answers.

 

When I was younger, my mother would always say that she wished we all had kids so that we could know the struggles of parenthood. Today, we are all parents and we appreciate her more now because we have an insight into her struggles and have the respect. My sister has three kids, I have two and at her house last week, all our kids were wrecking havoc on her house and I looked at her and said that, ‘imagine Mum had all these five as hers. How did she do it?’ we looked at her in disbelief and she just smiled at us.

 

But, nothing has changed. I will work today, go pick my children and continue home for more drama. I will not wait for a phone app to better my skills but I will borrow a leaf from the women of yesterday and raise up to the occasion